The chess players had populated the board and were engaged in their opening moves. Curious onlookers stood near, having found the regular matches under the Cherry trees to be relaxing and entertaining diversion from the routines of their lives. DC was not a particularly nice place to be these days, the election was only a couple weeks distant, and partisan egos and passions were engorged and inflamed to comical excess.
The democrat stated, “It’s hard for me to understand the mind of a maga aficionado. Your guys lie constantly and whip up the emotions of the citizens, without much thought to reality and the concept of an all made equal reality for the people, and the need to move forward with hope and change. We can’t go back.”
” Empty slogans if you ask me my friend,” the republican responded. “Hypocrisy and subversion of simple common sense seems the credo of your brothers and sisters in the democratic machine. The people didn’t choose your charlatan candidate. The cigar smoking, back-room pagans and mystics of your machine did so. Would you call that a democratic process?”
The democrat replied between draws on his impressive vapegear, “It’s all about winning! Our policy positions are patently superior to yours, so sometimes the end does justify the means to arrive there. And we employ compassion and empathy to boot, which I don’t see anywhere in your party’s platform. Democrats care! Again I will be free from the scourge of the deplorables and uneducated!”
“Bullshit!” an onlooker cried out. “My cat went missing last week, and I’m certain it was an illegal who snatched her for her filets and fur. I regularly witness homeless illegals wearing ball caps lined with suspicious looking fur. Those of us in the know know what’s really going on. How is it compassionate to fill our cities with millions of strangers? We never had a say in it all. How is that democratic?”
The republican moved his knight and said, “Problem with you liberal democrats is that you havn’t done the same sort of suffering that conservatives have. Year after year we suffer your condescensions and platitudes and put-downs. The Don is our answer to that! He’s a straight-shooter who tells it like it is. My god, the man even spent an afternoon cooking and serving french fries to adoring fans at MacDonalds! That alone makes him the better choice in the election.”
“That was a stupid photo-op my friend,” the democrat opined. “He’s no man of the people. My gal would never stoop to such blatant manipulations. She’s too classy for such foolishness. Your guy reminds me of a clown at the circus.”
Another onlooker shouted “That prosecutor woman sent more than one of my friends to prison for smokin’ pot. WTF? Is that compassion? And she’s sidekick to that murderous and senile sitting president. I say ship the lot of them off to the labor camps!”
The republican lit his cigar and blew a smoke ring in the direction of his opponent, then stated, “Let’s not get carried away here. What matters is the survival of our republic, and the flourishing of our people. We’re all in this together and must pull together if we’re to survive the coming maelstrom. On the one hand we have real-world problems from day to day. My candidate offers solutions. In the other hand your candidate smiles and tells her fawning crowds that hope will put bacon on the table. Who builds the tables? Who raises the poor animals who become the bacon? Who drives the truck that delivers the bacon? All so the happy and perfect American family can dine on the bacon? It’s a mess and just gets worse day by day. You liberals wax with calming, pleasing rhetoric, but secretly disdain non-elitists. The Don’s success again will illustrate the error of your ways.”
An agitated woman standing near, apparently doped on anti-psychotics, screamed “It’s wrong to eat animals! Besides, we all know bacon is bad for us. Vegan is the moral path forward.”
Another onlooker added, “If we don’t eat them dear, it’s likely they’d eat us. I happen to enjoy brown sugar bacon with my free-range eggs and homemade sourdough.”
The democrat positioned his Queen and stated, “The fact that the rocket builder oligarch threw in with the Don is proof that there’s more than meets the eye to their cabal of special interests. It’s all about money for you republicans. We won’t let you buy this election. We’re not going back. We’re moving forward.”
The republican responded calmly, “Money? You liberals are known for raising money to buy your candidates. My liberal neighbor revealed that she’d convinced both her tweens to empty their piggybanks and donate to your gal. That’s child abuse. It’s a mind virus run rampant!”
“Like the coming election, my friend,” the democrat asserted, “it appears that our chess match will end in a draw. Shall we concede to each other and visit the nearest pub for spiritual sustenance?”
“Good man!”
CP Butchvarov 2024