Every day seemed to bring new and sometimes horrifying variables to the shared experiences and psyches of the American people. For many, if not most citizens, there was a feeling of doom and gloom when confronting thoughts of global climate change, endless wars being fought across the planet, rising food and housing prices, and the brutish realities of the ongoing and now looming general election. At times it felt like a schoolyard brawl, where normally civilized and placid kids suddenly turned into monsters and bullies, deciding and proving who would be first in line for candy.
The assassin’s bullets had missed their target, but for the one which tickled and bloodied an ear. The candidate dropped to the floor, but immediately rose, fist pumping the still charged air over the stage. Phoenix risen! Innocents had died that day, but the candidate had prevailed. A supremely competent secret service sniper quickly neutralized the threat, packed up his tools, and went off to his motel room to call home to his wife.
“Was that you I saw on TV honey?” his wife asked him.
“T’was me babe! I’m still pumped. The damned fool assassin would have had better aim if he’d used a quality deer rifle with scope. But hon, this makes my career. I saved the most hated and most loved man in America today! I’m a hero to millions and an asshole to millions.”
The wife declared, “It was sad to see his face covered in blood, but the thrill of seeing him survive, and him showing such chutzpah, just made me a supporter. We were both on the fence before, how do you feel now, love?”
“I’m all in now sweetheart. Clearly he’s the man of the hour and the anointed one! “
In the oval office the President was napping and reminiscing in a dream, when an aide shook him and woke him from his slumber.
“Sir! Wake up sir! Your opponent has been shot at a rally just now. But he’s still alive and kicking!”
“Quit with the malarkey son,” the president responded groggily. “Wait, really? This is big. What are his chances son?”
The aide stated, “The pictures showed him with raised and clenched fist, along with his typical snarling visage sir. Apparently he’s still a contender!”
“Damn!” the president lamented. “I’ll be compelled to say nice things about him for the next few days. I hate the man! Can you get Doctor J on the phone for me son. She’ll know what I should say.”
The RNC honchos were all high-fives and laughter as they resumed their duties setting up the convention floor in Milwaukee, after nail-biting moments spent watching the events at the rally unfold on TV.
“The boss is in like flynn now folks! The dems incompetence even extends to their assassins! Why even have this convention now?” a seating expert opined while setting seating in the hall soon to be filled with laughing and cheering patriots. “Still, the show must go on.”
Democratic party luminaries were just finishing saki and sushi at a strategy dinner in DC, and had just toasted to a scheme they’d formulated to convince their candidate to withdraw from the campaign peacefully, when CNN announced the assassination attempt. The looks on their faces were priceless.
“Perhaps the Don is the better candidate,” the historical perspective expert expounded. “Our candidate, though imbued with certain empathetic qualities, now seems lacking in heroic tendencies. Have we been deluding ourselves?”
Their server, appropriately and precisely gay, piped up while clearing the table, “I like the opponent more and more as time goes by. He’s a survivor and doesn’t quit. He seems untouchable. I wish my boyfriend was like that! And his wife has class and style, unlike Doctor J, who seems to be a practitioner of elder abuse. Maybe we had it all wrong!”
The mood in Mar A Lago was more triumphant than somber, given the circumstances of the moment. The scent of certain victory was in the air.
All across America and the world people were diving deep into their souls trying to understand the fast-moving events confronting them. Hatred filled partisans were scrambling to compose appropriate missives, which could be disseminated so as to signal their superior empathetic qualities. Politicians of all stripes and flavors were consulting their AI companions for guidance in this heady time in America. The battle for the soul of America was on!
CP Butchvarov 2024